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堅持?


依舊在失業中
轉眼間已經九月

再轉眼間又要來到中秋節

該不會再再轉眼間今年就要結束了吧?

一直都有在投履歷、打電話
這期間發現人生最沮喪的事情莫過於

你知道應徵公司看了你的履歷
卻沒有通知你面試

雖然不是最挫折
卻也很傷人

當然或許真的不適合這家公司
但還是很悲傷

雖然投了許多履歷也面試了一些公司或補習班
這禮拜卻是第一次上工
想說嘗試看看

結果一天結束還是覺得不適合
然後說了掰掰

回家也被問了為什麼?
是說我也不太會形容
但整體的氣氛我並不喜歡(?)

比安卡說我實在是不適合這個工作
叫我快點另尋他處

哀....
我也不知道自己適合什麼或是想要什麼?
我一貫的維持想找自己能接受的
但似乎少之又少

所以說
堅持到底是對還是錯?
我實在也說不出個正確的答案

昨天去面試的也是行政櫃檯
差別只是成人補習的補習班
但一聽到時間到十點還是想放棄

總覺得當初離職的絕大部分原因是時間
這樣的話
這次總得找個符合自己時間的工作

所以我才想
這樣的堅持是對還是錯?

昨天面試我的經理告訴我
要有企圖心,你還年輕

今天我問捧有
難道沒有企圖心就不能工作嗎?
我不能平順的工作就好了嗎?

我一直以來都知道自己的個性是怎樣
過了那麼多年,實在也是不想改變

並不是說我沒有企圖心或是積極性
我就不會認真工作或是我就不想工作

但為何如此困難呢?

還是我的要求和堅持真的就是會讓自己一敗塗地?

我只是覺得每個人有每個人的生活方式
和想要的生活方式

我自覺雖然是個不積極沒有企圖心的人
卻還是個願意努力工作賺錢的人

但我發現要找到自己能接受的實在是很難

所以我對自己的未來感到非常苦惱

睽違四年的苦惱再度發生
實在是很無奈

如果這時候自己是積極的人就好了

以上。日子還是繼續過下去,何時能轉晴。

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